The Remorseful Day
NOTE: This post was written in June 2025
How Clear, How Lovely Bright
Poem by A E Housman
It's been a long time since I updated this blog, but today is the day to do it.
Back in February 2016, I posted 'Action and Reaction', explaining that Storm had become highly reactive. Despite trying many different training types, behavioural trainers and even tranquilisers, nothing worked and she simply got worse and worse. We chose to live with it, though it was a topic of discussion several times over the years as to whether we should take her for that final walk to the 'rainbow bridge'.
It's now 9 years on from that post and while she's never fulfilled the potential we had hoped for her, we have done our best to keep her safe and happy and we have managed. She was never off the lead; she wouldn't let us groom her, trim her nails, answer the phone, answer the doorbell, leave the room, etc etc. It has been a hard slog - we've not had people over for years!
Then, about 8 months ago, her behaviour took a serious turn for the worse. Instead of growling and lunging, she would suddenly start really snarling - and looking quite vicious while doing so (sorry, no photo of that!). We realised it was only a matter of time before she hurt someone - whether one of us, or some random person as we walked by. She gave no warning - just snarled every time she didn't want to do something, even if that something was going outside to toilet. It became something of a nightmare and, as I said, I knew it was only a matter of time before she did attack someone.
Fast forward to last week:
Tuesday 3rd June 2025
We were outside doing some gardening. Storm was tied on a long line to a tree - we couldn't afford for her to get out of the garden and run freely round the neighbourhood, biting whoever she might meet, so we tied her with plenty of room to move about and yet still be outside with us, rather than confined to the house on her own. OH was walking towards me. To get to where I was working, he had to pass the dog. As he did so, without any warning or provocation, she lunged at him and bit him on the lower leg. She knew immediately she shouldn't have done that - her lower lip quivered and she crouched down, ears back, looking pleadingly at us both.
She had finally crossed the line. The day we knew was coming had arrived.
We both said afterwards that it was at least good that it was one of us and not the neighbour's 4 year old granddaughter! But the bite was quite bad. Oddly enough, it didn't damage his trousers, but it certainly damaged his leg. [At the time of publishing this - January 2026 - OH still has a mark on his leg which will no doubt never fade now]
Wednesday 4th June
The bite was pretty sore, so we spent the morning at A&E getting the wound professionally cleaned and tetanus shots etc. OH was given a 7 day preventative antibiotic course too.
We also called the vet. I could hardly speak when they answered the phone. But I made the arrangement - 4pm this afternoon. So soon! OH said I should cancel it as it was too quick. We needed time to get used to the fact and maybe our son might want to see her again one last time before she took that final walk. Our daughter was living with us and son had already planned to come home next Tuesday, so I rang the vet again and asked for a different appointment - next Wednesday at 4pm they said.
Saturday 7th June
We had barely been able to take her anywhere for years, but we were determined to make her last days as happy as possible. So together we took her to one of our favourite walking spots - a trail just off Stang Lane in North Yorkshire - and walked her on an extendable lead for 8 miles. She loved it! [NOTE: I scattered some of her hair along this walk - she's now part of the landscape]. This photo was taken that day:
Tuesday 10th June
We took her for a few walks and on this last day, we went to Great Punchard's Gill. Again she loved being able to run as free as she was able on the extendable lead.
NOTE: I would not have had the confidence to take her by myself, so OH and I went together, to places where we knew we would meet no-one - weekdays in the Dales are usually free of people and thankfully this was no exception.
At the end of the walk, as we approached the road where the car was parked, OH went to change her lead from the extendable to the static - and fast as a flash, she bit him again, this time on his hand. She was so fast, I didn't realised she'd made contact until I saw blood pouring from his hand. Once again there had been no warning from Storm and no provocation from us - she had had her lead changed countless times, it was nothing new. To be honest, I had been beginning to waver - surely there was something else we hadn't tried, surely we could manage - after all, we'd managed the last 11 years, so why not just keep going? But after this second bite in less than a week, I knew I had no choice.
And as if to confirm it, when we turned the ignition on in the car, the radio burst into life - Andrea Bocelli singing 'Time to Say Goodbye' (in Italian). It seemed like a 'sign'.
We discussed her epitaph around the dinner table - I liked 'You came into our lives and left paw prints on our heats' - that is, until both children added '...and bite marks on our hands'! Seems I'm the only one of the family she hadn't bitten. So I chose another one (see below)
Wednesday 11th June
She had had to be 'doped' yesterday in preparation for today, but we still took her out again this morning. She always loved rivers, so we took her to Gunnerside by the river. There was a short walk along the bank which we took, but she was really sleepy - she didn't walk far but was clearly too tired to go any further. Then she found it really hard to get up the steps back to the road and the car. When we asked her to jump in the car, she struggled - it was heartbreaking to see.
When we got her home, we had a brief photo-shoot in the garden. Our front garden is a mini meadow and she lay down peacefully among the buttercups while I snapped away with my camera.
Again, we had to give her some dopey tablets to prepare her and she could barely get in the car. OH went to help her in, but was snarled at viciously for his trouble, so we had to be content with helping her up using the lead - I'm not sure it was comfortable, but it was very quick.
Arriving at the vet's, they administered the pre-meds in the car, then once she was asleep, they brought a trolley (like a human one in the hospital, but smaller for a dog), and wheeled her inside. I had to sign papers to give my permission for them to carry out the procedure...
And then it was all over. I have to say they treated her with dignity as a family member and not as 'just a dog'. Then they left us with her for a while to say our final goodbyes.
So that's it. We'd had almost 12 years with her, most of which she was reactive. We had never been able to do agility or show her, we could barely take her for walks, let alone anything with other dogs present. We had had to 'manage' her behaviour rather than enjoy her. Yet she was the best (and worst) dog I have ever had and I miss her greatly.
Do I regret having her - no! Not at all!
Do I regret having her put to sleep? Well, I don't regret doing it - it was the right thing to do - but I most definitely do regret having had to do it and wish with all my heart it had not been necessary.
Will I get another dog? It's a bit soon to say, but watch this space....
